Forgiveness

I was watching Oprah recently and she said she loves what somebody had said about forgiveness.  They said something like, forgiveness means letting go of the hope that the past will ever be different.  And I'm having trouble with understanding how that's so imperative to our healing?  We should all know already that we can't change the past no matter how much we would like to.  One way that's easy to see for everyone is because no one has yet been able to change the past.  All we can do is learn from it and change who we are going to be from this moment forward.  I like what Dr. Phil says about our past as far as treating it as a book.  Lots of people (including myself at times) live life like we are reading that book every day and re-living the pain of the experience all over again.  So he explained that we need to learn to deal with the issues plaguing us and then we can put our book on the shelf and leave it there where it belongs.  That is a beautiful way of looking at it to me.  Not that that is dealing with the forgiveness issue but I thought it was worth mentioning!
To me, forgiveness is more like a plate of food, each one of us is holding a plate and some peoples plates are full while others are empty.  When you are healthy and whole it's easier to be loving and kind, you can even have something good to offer to others if they need it.  So your plate is full.  But when somebody is cruel or hurtful that means that their plate is quite empty and they are looking to get something or take something they think they need from you even if it hurts you in the process.  Deep down everyone has love in their hearts and are looking for love to come their way but they don't always know how to show it or find it in a healthy way, especially the people who are the most hurt and empty.  Like the marvelous Bill Cosby said, "hurt people, hurt people." and I couldn't agree more!  It makes so much sense to me.  Also keeping in mind that everyone does what they do, good or bad, because they feel justified for what ever reason.  That's how they see it in their model of the world.  Heck, I feel this way with even serial killers, 1. they feel justified to do what they do at the time they're doing it and 2. are searching to fill a void, looking for love or complete whatever craving it is they're feeling inside.  Granted they're going about things in a most unhealthy way no doubt about that!  But none of these things they do are because they are evil no, they're hurt.  They wouldn't do the things they do if they were not already hurting inside.  Their plates are empty and they're doing what they think will help them feel better.  This is true for everybody. 
I refuse to believe that anyone wakes up in the morning and says to themselves 'how can I be the most hurtful to everyone today?'  People just search for what it is they think they need and do what it is they think they need to do to accomplish getting that.  And it's their hurt that allows them to do things that can hurt others.  All conflict arises from misplaced desire.  I always say that if a person were to rob me of something, that would make me sad yes, but I would feel more sorry for the robber being so broken inside to go as far as that than I would be to lose whatever they took from me!
What can someone take from you that will truly break you irreversibly anyway?  As far as material things like money, clothes, food, furniture or a car, it may take some work but you can get them back or go on living without them if need be.  Even pictures lost in a fire or stolen are not the end of the world.  Those pictures didn't create your love for that person so you haven't lost that much in the long run just because you don't have those to look at and show off to others anymore.  Hopefully you still have the images in your mind so you could always have an artist redraw it for you if need be, right?  Now losing a loved one to death is a tough one for most people unless you're willing to believe that the spirit still survives and is healthy and happy even though they're not here with us, in their body anymore.  I think religion has been cruel to many with the way that they tell people to think there's suffering after death so the people left behind have to be filled with fear and grief over their loved ones passing.  And that in turn causes much unneeded suffering on this planet.  But it's ingrained deep in their psyche and many refuse to be open minded to another way, probably because the fear their religion has put in them makes them afraid to stray in case it's the wrong thing to do.  So ironically it creates fear before a loved one dies and suffering after a loved one dies too. 
But I digress, life goes on for us and we can be happy even without this person here with us.  Nothing can stop us, all of us, from having a full plate.  It's our choice.  And forgiveness is being willing to accept the idea that the person or people that have hurt us in some way were merely broken and hurt inside themselves first which allowed them to do what they did.  Compassion is a wonderful healer of the soul, not just for our own but for all other souls in this world.  So even if you don't have to work on forgiveness maybe you could ask yourself if your plate is full?